Monday’s Joke (Late, but in there!)

2009/08/31

Monday’s joke. Just managed to slide this one in on time. Hooooahh.

One night a man walks into a bar with a pig. The bartender says to the man, “That’s a great looking pig, but why does he have a wooden leg?” So the man says, “Let me tell you about this pig. He is one special pig. One night my house was on fire and he dragged me to safety. Saved my life.” The bartender says. “Well, that’s great. But why does he have a wooden leg?” The man says, “Let me tell you about this pig. He is one special pig. One time I was out sailing and the boat capsized. This pig swam me to safety. Saved my life.” The bartender says, “That’s really terrific, but why the wooden leg?” The man says, “Let me tell you about this pig. He is one special pig. Last week during an earthquake my house collapsed and my pig pulled me out. Saved my life.” And finally the bartender says,”Wow, that is one special pig. He saved you from a fire, an earthquake and from drowning. But why does he have a wooden leg?” The man says, “When you have a pig this special you can’t eat all of it at once.”

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California Wildfires Threaten Thousands of Homes

2009/08/30

The cause of these fires remains under investigation.

It seems these fires are becoming more and more frequent and spread in all directions with little or no wind.

Looks to me like large scale arson.


Swine flu could strain US health care system

2009/08/26

My question here is, who, exactly, will be straining these facilities? Certainly not the average American, who still views the local hospital for what it is. A HOSPITAL.

I remember growing up in the 1980s. Now, before you get on me for waxing nostalgic, hear me out. We were your standard group of neighborhood kids, and we did your standard neighborhood kid things. We played football, rain or shine. In the summertime, we rode bicycles from dawn until as far past dusk as we could get away with. You couldn’t keep me in the house, summer or winter, unless I was restrained.

I remember, during a crisp Sunday morning in October, a kid named Jimmy snapped his femur playing tackle football. There was a sickening CRACK, a shriek and then total silence. I remember the tip of bone that poked against Jimmy’s blue sweat pants and thought to myself “This guy needs to go to the HOSPITAL.”

Back then, if someone went to the HOSPITAL, you wondered if he was coming back. Not anymore. Wave after wave of illegal third world immigration has transformed our HOSPITALS into ….hospitals. They’re not such a serious place anymore.

Three years ago I injured my back. Three days later, when I feared I might become paralyzed and could hardly walk, I submitted to the pleas of my girlfriend and went to THE HOSPITAL. It took me half an hour to walk into the emergency room from the car. I seriously considered asking for a wheelchair, or even a stretcher.

Upon finally reaching the facility, with great firey bolts of pain screaming from my low back down into my ankles and a grimace of agony on my face, I was confronted with a sea of faces. Children running about, sniffling. Four or five different languages being spoken. No bones poking through sweat pants. No one bleeding to death.

Will the swine flu swamp our local hospitals? I am sure it will. There just won’t be any Americans involved.


Bernie Madoff allegedly dying of cancer

2009/08/24

Well, well. Did anyone think this thieving scumbag would have turned himself in otherwise?

If he were heathly, he’d be in a Tel Aviv brothel with two underage Ukrainian girls and a glass of Manischewitz.

So long, Bernie. Have a good trip.


Monday’s Joke

2009/08/24

Short and sweet today.

How many Tourettes sufferers does it take to change a MOTHER******!?!?!


Admirel Mike Mullen States Afghan Situation Deteriorating

2009/08/23

Part of the “change” alleged by the present administration was a determined effort to pull us out of this mess, wasn’t it?

I am reminded of the words of Lyndon Johnson, who stated “I will not send ‘Merican boys 13,000 miles to do a job Asian boys should be doin’.” We all know how that worked out.

Bring the boys back home. Simple as that.

Reuters link HERE.


Las Vegas jobless rate hits all-time high of 13.1 percent

2009/08/23

The figures are much, much worse nationwide.